All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
