is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
