do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It's shark week go big or go home
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
