Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
