Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My balls are so social today.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
