Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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