I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize