I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
