why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
