He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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