I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
