I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I use my feet as sexual weapons
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
