we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
