My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
