He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize