Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
