mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
