Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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