Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
