On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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