Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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