Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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