I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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