I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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