And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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