Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
