in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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