I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
