9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
