a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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