You made me cry and you don't even care
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
