well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
