I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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