Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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