He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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