Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
He did a backflip because drugs
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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