He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He passed out mid-signature
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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