I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
