hotel room ftw
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
NoShamevember. You game?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
