ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
