im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
