put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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