Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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