Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize