Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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