Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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