wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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