I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
