She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
