i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
