Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I need water and some morals
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
