forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
