I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
