Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
