So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
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