btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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