so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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