she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
