We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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