mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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