I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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