i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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