Your mouth is God's brothel.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I AM VODKA MAN
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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