Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
