then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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