thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
